The Onion: Warning to Homeowners
October 29, 2020
YORBA LINDA, CA—Asking the members of the wealthy local citizenry to put a brief pause on their construction projects, Orange County authorities reportedly urged residents Thursday to stop building additions onto homes that are currently on fire. “We understand that a breezeway or infinity pool is your top priority at the moment, but we humbly ask residents to just delay any inessential home improvement projects until firefighters have extinguished the wildfires currently blazing through your estates,” said Orange County fire marshal Lori Smith, adding that it was making firefighters’ jobs more difficult when they were competing for room with construction workers erecting a sauna.
“The nature of the fast-moving Silverado and Blue Ridge wildfires means that more than likely, that fourth floor you’re adding might end up getting destroyed by a blaze, and you’d just have to start over. We recommend waiting until the fires have at least subsided into smoldering embers before continuing construction on the sunroom or fitness center, and we pledge to let you know as soon as your guest wing project can resume. In the meantime, if you must continue building a patio or gazebo, we recommend stone materials, as these will work best in the face of the flames currently moving through your properties.” Orange County officials added that they had already secured millions of dollars in emergency funding from California to allow local residents to build their third dream homes after the fire was extinguished.
Climate Denial Crock of the Week 
October 29, 2020 at 4:07 pm
There are none so blind as those who will not see !
October 29, 2020 at 6:53 pm
Nuts ! A breezeway, infinity pool, expanded servants’ quarters & spa for my kid’s pony were my next 4 building projects for my house. It’s just one damn thing after another isn’t it ?
October 29, 2020 at 7:25 pm
They say it’s OK if you use stone. Marmara marble or Venetian Gold granite would be nice.
October 29, 2020 at 7:14 pm
Wood frame construction is extremely flammable before it has gypsum board and fiberglass insulation.
(Oh, I didn’t notice it’s The Onion. When I read it, I thought it was a sarcastic fire marshal.)
October 30, 2020 at 2:16 am
Surely not everyone is stinking rich in California – there must be ordinary families who have lost everything, apart from future health problems from the particles. Not sure if reading the Onion would make them feel jovial about it all.
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“Climate Change Is Central to California’s Wildfires
Conservative pundits who tout land management as the main issue fail to see the big picture
As the toll from California’s wildfires grows higher year after year, the state’s future appears fiery and hazy with smoke. For conservative columnists like Ben Shapiro, Niall Ferguson and Tyler O’Neil, it’s clear who is responsible: California Democrats. In recent opinion pieces, they acknowledge that climate change might play a role in these fires, but they blame Democratic leadership for exacerbating fuel buildups through poor land management. As proof, they reference a study from early this year in Nature Sustainability.
We wrote that study. These columnists are wrong.
Their opinion pieces represent a dangerous form of climate denialism, one that recognizes the value of climate adaptation—adapting to life under a changing climate—but purposefully misdirects by refusing to acknowledge the critical importance of limiting the amount of future climate change.”
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/climate-change-is-central-to-californias-wildfires/
October 31, 2020 at 12:56 am
The Onion’s job is hard enough when the most bizarre thing they can think of is topped by some idiot elected official or appointed partisan nut the next day.
October 30, 2020 at 2:53 am
Sorry for the sombre mood on this onion piece – but yes ordinary folks have lost a lifetime of dreams.
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‘It’s completely burned’: Napa family of 6 homeless after Glass Fire destroyed their home
19 years of memories have now turned into ashes. Catalina Velazquez describes it as their biggest nightmare.
https://abc7news.com/glass-fire-homes-burned-wildfire-napa-insurance/6731164/
October 30, 2020 at 2:57 am
and a scary future looms for California and Australia too.
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Bushfire inquiry says Australia must prepare for ‘alarming outlook’
It also reiterated that climate change had exacerbated the extreme conditions which caused the fires, but that future projections were more grim.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-54742909