Bloomberg Disses Trump, Buys Greenland

February 18, 2020

Andy Borowitz in the New Yorker:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In an apparently successful attempt to get under the skin of Donald Trump, former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg has purchased Greenland from Denmark.

In an official statement released on Tuesday, the Prime Minister of Denmark, Mette Frederiksen, would not disclose the price that Bloomberg paid for Greenland but indicated that it was an “all-cash offer.”

“Mr. Bloomberg has a lot of money,” Frederiksen added.

News of Bloomberg’s purchase of Greenland reportedly infuriated Trump, who immediately ordered his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to make an offer to buy the Faroe Islands from Denmark.

Within minutes, however, Denmark rebuffed Kushner’s bid. “We do not believe Donald Trump is capable of running the Faroe Islands,” Frederiksen said.

As for Bloomberg, his campaign released a brief statement about the historic purchase of the 836,330-square-mile landmass, saying only, “Mike gets it done.”

Andy Borowitz  writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

3 Responses to “Bloomberg Disses Trump, Buys Greenland”

  1. jimbills Says:

    He is buying something.

  2. dumboldguy Says:

    Shades of The Onion. The real joke will be when the very stable genius takes this as real news and goes off on a twitter rampage about it. Can’t wait.

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